The Ultimate Insult
by Ciu Sune
Summary: A promising day of training produces a fight alright, but not for reasons one would expect. No bashing, but lots incharacter character making fun of characterness. Yeah. Okay, stopping the summary now. [minor NaruSasu]


Written for Mina-chan (ukefied on lj). I'm almost positive that sh'es got a name on here too, but I don't want to hunt for it right now. So bleh. Yay Mina-chan known as Mina-chan.

Okayokayokay about the ficlet? Written from a spur of the moment EVILGRIN idea that rubbed off on me from a few friends. It is meant in humor and to poke fun. Lots of fun. At one specific person.

Warnings: Erm..crack. My writing. Possible grammar/spelling errors. Crack. The making fun of someone's name. Oh, yeah, and minor bl. As in boylove. So don't read if you don't like and we'll all be happy. Got it? Good.

Oh, and characters aren't mine. Just in case, you know, you weren't aware. Anyway, onward to ficlet!

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The Ultimate Insult

Sakura and Sasuke were eating their breakfasts in the clearing when Naruto found them. Kakashi had told them to meet him in that very spot at seven in the morning, but Naruto hd gotten lost. He wasn't worried though, when he finally stumbled into the right place at a quarter to eight; it would be at least another fourty-five minutes or so until Kakashi-sensei showed up.

"Man!" groaned the blond, as he sat down across from his two teamates and took a thermos out of his pocket. Upon inspection of the container when he opened it two seconds later, it was obvious that he was pleased with the fact that it was filled to the brim with his breakfast ramen. He took a large bite, chewed, swallowed, then continued with the thought as he had never stopped talking, "why do we even bother to come on time if Kakashi-sensei is always late?"

"You _didn't_ come on time Naruto." Sakura admonished. "Sasuke-kun and I have been waiting since the appointed time!" She smirked. "I bet you got lost, didn't you?"

"I did not!" Naruto yelled defensively, proving that he most certainly had. "I was just...my breakfast ramen took longer to prepare then i thought it would!"

"Congratulations dobe." Sasuke said sarcastically. "You've reached a point where even ramen gives you trouble."

"Oh shut up!"

"Huh." Sasuke said again, before taking a drink. "Dobe." He added, as an afterthought.

"DON'T CALL ME THAT SASUKE!" Shouted Naruto. Except his mouth was full of ramen as he spoke, the the retort sounded more like "DOK ALLE AT 'asUKE!"

And, to Naruto's utter and complete surprise, Sasuke spit out hs drink and began to sputter. "W-_What_ did you call me, dobe?"

Naruto, who was surprised and very pleased to have gotten such a reaction, thought long and hard while he chewed. If he had finally come up with an insult that got Sasuke bristled, then he wanted to know what it was! Now...what did he say?

As the seconds stretched, Naruto got more and more frustrated. He couldn't remember his ultimate insult! All he could recall of the two-seconds-ago conversation was that he had said Sasuke's _name_.

...wait.

Swallowing and taking another mouthful, Naruto had a sudden revelation. Perhaps it was the _way_ he had said Sasuke's name! Yeah...that had to be it! But...how'd he do it?

Sakura chewed quietly as he looked from Sasuke -who still looked pretty ticked off- to Naruto, who was lost in deep concentration. She had also been rather surprised at Sasuke's reaction, and was wondering what had caused it. She was quite curious to see what would happen next.

"Aha!" Naruto cried out of the blue. "I got it!" He turned to Sasuke, who was daring him to speak, when--

"Got what?" Asked Kakashi. He had just appeared, and was reading his ParaPara Paradise book as per usual. One hand was holding the book. The other was occupied with restraining Sasuke by his high blue collar. It was a good thing too, Sakura noticed, that Kakashi-sensei was holding Sasuke back; he had started to twitch and looked as if he was itching to attack his loud teammate.

Not waiting for an answer, Kakashi snapped his book shut. He did not, however, let go of Sasuke's collar. "Sorry I'm late," he said, trying to sound apologetic, "but I was so busy planning lessons for today that I simply lost track of time!"

"A likely story Kakashi-sensei!" said Sakura, both irritated that he had interuppted, and that he was acting his usual nonchalant self about making his team wait for an hour. "You were dawdling again!"

"Eheh, but I'm telling the truth Sakura." Kakashi replied, grinning under his mask. "and I _was_ planning lesons. I have a new training idea for you three, that I will implement today. However, I will need to work one on one with each of you privately in the beginning. Sakura, you'll be first." He turned to the other two members of team seven. "Naruto, Sasuke, you stay here and behave while I work with Sakura. In the meantime, you, Naruto, can practice harnassing your chakra, and you, Sasuke, can work on physical strength. Sakura, follow me."

"Uh--yes Kakashi-sensei." The two walked out of the clearing, with Sakura sending a final disappointed glance towards her teammates as he left. She had wanted to see what would happen.

But Naruto and Sasuke were left alone.

"Feh." said Sasuke rolling his eyes as he packed up his breakfast. "Figures I get stuck with the dobe."

Now, usually upon hearing a sentence like that, Naruto would sputter and get angry and defensive. However, now he had a comeback to it. One that he knew would turn the tables. He wondered why he hadn't thought of it before.

Very camly, and with just a trace of smugness, Naruto said, "I'm not a dobe Sas_uke_." He happily said the "uke1" part of his rival's name with extra florish.

Just as he predicted, Sasuke turned a flustered purple. "Dobe! Don't call me that!"

Naruto grinned, feeling very pleaseed that _he_ was able to bait his rival for once. "Why not?" he continued. "I bet you _are_ one anyway."

Sasuke growled and threw himself at Naruto. However, the blond had expected his teammate to snap at any moment, so he was ready for the attack. He kicked out a leg a flipped Sasuke over, then rolled over himself, effectively pinning his growling teammate beneath him.

The blond saw it as the perfect position in which to continue his teasing. He smiled smugly down at his rival. "See? Right now Sas_uke_." He leaned farther over and whispered the next sentence right into Sasuke's ear. "You're _bottom_."

Naruto wasn't expecting what happened next though; Sasuke stopped struggling and froze. But just for a second. Then his glare returned, stronger then ever. "Get. Off. Of. Me. NOW." He growled, his tone deadly.

But Naruto was comfortable and Sasuke wasn't armed, so the blond just grinned and stayed where he was.

Sasuke was Not Happy.

Naruto didn't care. "Personally I think that it's a fitting name for you. You might know some fancy moves because you learned them early, but _I'm_ stronger. _And_ I've got more chakra." he went on happily. "And that's most of what matters anyway. Don't you agree Sas_uke_?"

Seething and re-doubling his efforts, Sasuke finally managed to throw Naruto off. He lept up and took on a fighting stance. Naruto retaliated by jumping at his rival.

The two rolled around for a little while, neither gaining much ground; thoughts of weapons had completely fled their minds, and neither was bothering with chakra.

After several minutes of this, and more then a few changes of who was where, Naruto triumphiantly ended up on top of his teamate again. "Ha! Told you I've gotten stronger." He said smugly. He stared down at Sasuke and then, for reasons he really didn't understand, he leaned down and kissed Sasuke on the lips.

It was the second kiss for both of them and, ironically, it was also the second kiss each had had with each other. Naruto liked this first kiss better though.

Although...he wasn't so sure of Sas_uke_'s opinion.

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THE END. I _SUCK_. HOORAY FOR COP-OUTS. MINA-CHAN, I WEEP IN APOLOGETIC GRIEF.

1Oh, note to people who might not understand a key part of the story; _uke_, roughly transalated, means "submissive one." It was originally a term in martial arts, for the onewho was used as the submissive partner when practicing moves (hence, the one who had the moves performed _on_ them. Like...the punching bag. Sorta.). The performer (or the "puncher" I guess...)is the Tori, or (much more commonly used) the Seme, or "dominant one."

In the fandom world...these words noware usedin a situation that'sa little different. The actual _meaning_ of the words haven't changed at all however.

Get it now?

Comments, questions, and critiques, are welcomed and appreciated.


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